


Knock, Knock

by ImNotGoodAtThis



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImNotGoodAtThis/pseuds/ImNotGoodAtThis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Korra and Asami are alone, things tend to get a little...Stupid. Korrasami Friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Knock, Knock

**Author's Note:**

> Korra tries out some Knock Knock Jokes.  
> Bold: Korra  
> Italics: Asami

_"You really suck at painting nails, you know that?"_

**"Well you should have known better than to ask me to do this. Asking me to paint nails is like asking a homeless man if he knows a good place to find a job."**

_"Wow. You are terrible. Making fun of homeless people..."_

**"I'm not making fun of them. Just making a comparison."**

_"Whatever."_

Between Mako's new job and Bolin training with his new Pro-Bending team, the girls found that they had a lot of spare time to sit around and talk. Usually they would go out for dinner or to catch a movie, but tonight they decided to just hang out at Asami's Mansion. Both girls were sitting on the couch in Asami's living room, listening to the radio. Asami was laying down oh her side of the couch, with her feet resting in Korra's lap.

**"Well since we already established that I suck at this, can I stop now?"**

_"No way, you're almost halfway done. you might as well finish."_

**But the last one is so tiny. Why the hell does anyone even bother to paint the little toe."**

_"Because the little toe won't feel pretty of you ignore it"_

**"It's a toe, it doesn't have feelings."**

_"It does if you hit it against a coffee table."_

Korra paused a second to ponder this.  **"I guess you have a point there."**

_"Yeah I do."_ Asami pointed to her toes,  _"Now keep painting."_

**"If you weren't feeding me,"** Korra grumbled.  **"I would've left hours ago."**

_"Exactly. So if you want your precious steak, you better do a good job."_  Asami felt something drip on her ankle.  _"What was that? Did you spill nail polish on me"_

**"No."**

_"So what was it?"_

**"N-Nothing."**

_"Korra.."_

**"I was thinking about meat, Okay?!"** Korra spat out.  **"Do you have any idea what torture it is to live on an island full of vegetarians?!"**

_"Give me the nail polish, I'll finish it myself"_ Asami pulled her legs back, making sure to wipe the drool off of her ankle by dragging it across Korra's pants. Korra raised an eyebrow at this and Asami gave her a challenging look in return. Korra decided it wasn't worth fighting over so she didn't say anything and let it slide. They spent the next few minutes in silence as Asami propped her right foot on the coffee table and finished painting her own nails. When she finished, Asami resumed her previous position by laying on the couch with her feet in Korra's lap, staring at the ceiling.

**"Okay, I'm bored now. What should we do?"**

Asami yawned.  _"No idea."_  They just sat for a few minutes staring at the ceiling and listening to the radio in the background.

**"Don't you just hate that?"**

_"Hate what?"_

**"That awkward silence when you run out of things to talk about."**

_"It doesn't feel that awkward."_

**"Yes it does."**

_"Please this isn't even close to being awkward. I know what awkward feels like."_

**"You do now? Well will Miss Sato please demonstrate what her idea of awkward is?"**

_"Gladly,"_ Asami sat up and looked Korra in the eyes.  _"So Korra, have you ever kissed another girl before?"_

**"Um...no..."**

_"Well if you want...I can show you...'things.' It will be fun."_  Korra's eyes were as wide as saucers.  _"You see now? 'That' was awkward. Now you know the difference."_ Korra let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

**"So you were only joking?"**

_"Yeah."_

**"Oh. Because if you were serious I would totally be down for that."** Asami's breath hitched a little at the statement. Korra grinned at the uncomfortable look Asami was giving her.  **"Not so funny when it's happening to you, is it?"**  Both girls giggled as the tension in the air evaporated.

_"Hell it's not like this is the first time a girl has hit on me."_

Korra raised an eyebrow.  **"Do I really wanna know?"**

_"No."_

**"Alright then."** Korra paused for a moment.  **"Hey, you wanna hear a joke?"**

_"Now we're telling jokes? you must really be bored."_

**"C'mon! It'll be fun."**

Asami sighed.  _"Alright, shoot."_

**"Knock, Knock."**

_"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."_

**"Knock, Knock."**

_"No, I'm not doing this. It's stupid"_

**"Stop being a spoil sport. Knock, Knock"**

_"No."_

**"Knock, Knock."**

_"Nope."_

**"ASAMI STOP BEING A BRAT AND PLAY ALONG!"**

_"FINE TELL YOUR STUPID KNOCK KNOCK JOKE!"_

**"See? that wasn't so hard now, was it?"** Korra cleared her throat.  **"Knock, Knock."**

_"Come in."_

**"..."**

_"...What?"_

**"I hate you."** Korra turned away from Asami and folded her arms across her chest.

_"Are you seriously pouting? What are you, five?"_ Korra remained silent.  _"Okay, I'm sorry. Tell me your joke. I promise to play along."_

**"Nope I can't tell the joke now. it's been built up too much and it won't be funny anymore."**

_"Just tell the joke Korra."_

**"No. Like I said, it's been built up too much and you won't laugh at it."**

_"I wasn't going to laugh at it anyway. Knock Knock jokes are stupid."_

**"Oh really? I bet I can make you smile with this one."**

_"Five bucks says you can't."_

**"I can get behind that."** Both girls pulled money out of their pockets and set it down on the coffee table.  **"Asami, say 'Knock, Knock'"**

_"Okay. Knock, Knock."_

**"Who's there?"**

_"...Um..."_

**"Well? Who's there?"**

_"You crafty little brat!"_ Asami giggled.  _"You tricked me!"_ Korra grabbed the money on the table and quickly pocketed it.

**"Don't care! You still smiled!"** Korra stood up and stretched, working the kinks out of her back. Korra held her hand out for Asami and pulled the taller girl out of her seat.  **"Lets go eat those steaks now, I'm hungry."**

_"Dinner's not ready yet."_

**"I don't care if it's not ready yet. I'm hungry and I. Will. Have. My. Steak. I don't care if it's still attached to the cow, I'm going to eat the hell out of that steak."**

_"Fine let's go then."_ Both girls walked out of the living room and headed down the halls toward the kitchen.

**"Hey Asami, wanna hear another Knock Knock joke?"**

Asami knew there was no point with fighting Korra again.  _"Go ahead..."_ She groaned.

**"Knock, Knock!"**

_"Who's there?"_

**"Banana!"**

Asami slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand and slowly dragged it across her face.  _"Korra I swear to God, if you continue that joke, I'm going to throw your steak out of the fucking window."_ The shorter woman couldn't help but laugh at her frustration.

**"Fair enough."**


	2. Cucumbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami loses a bet.

Fucking Korra.

Just...Motherfucking Korra.

Needless to say, Asami was not happy with her friend at the moment. Sure, she lost the bet, but when Korra gave her the simple penalty of 'picking up a few things at the store for her' Asami thought Korra was being nice and letting her off easy.

But Korra never made things easy. In fact, she was making things difficult for her right now. At the moment her  _friend_ was standing on the other side of the cash register, swinging her umbrella around. Ever since they entered the store, that damn grin never left her face.

So here she was, downtown some new department store called Wal-Mart, waiting in line with a basket full of  _things_  Korra so desperately needed. She just wanted to get in and out of the store as soon as possible, unfortunately, the man in front of her was holding up the line with a fat stack of coupons. After a couple of minutes, Asami finally had enough.

"Sir," Asami snapped. "Do you really need to save 20 cents on that fucking orange juice?"

"Hey screw you." The man looked down into Asami's basket. "You act like what you're buying is so...important..." The man's voice trailed off as he examined the contents of her basket. A few seconds of silence passed before the man smirked at her.

"You know what? Forget the coupons. It's obvious you are in a hurry." The cashier rang up the man's items and he paid the cashier before grabbing his bags. "You have a  _wonderful_  evening Miss."

Asami could hear Korra snorting to her right. After sending a quick glare Korra's way, Asami emptied her basket and set the items on the counter. Her face started to turn red from embarrassment as the cashier coughed awkwardly to hide her smile and the couple behind her stared at her knowingly while trying to suppress their laughter.

"You find everything okay, ma'am?"

"I did." Asami bit out. "I had a lot of help from my  ** _friend_**  here."

Korra flashed her a thumbs up and Asami had to repress the urge to choke her.

"Hmm...that's weird." The cashier examined the items. "The price tag on all of these items have been scratched off. I need to do a price check."

Motherfucking Korra.

Asami was stupid for not double-checking the items Korra put in her basket. This was just classic her.

Always making shit difficult.

"Han! Han! Get over here!" The woman shouted to a man restocking candy 6 registers over. Instead of walking over so they could continue their conversation at an acceptable volume, the man yelled back from where he was standing.

"What do you want?!" Asami palmed her face in frustration. They were really going to do this to her. In front of everybody.

"I need you to do a price check on a few things!"

"Like what?!"

"Two Orchid scented candles, a six pack of strawberry-kiwi wine coolers, the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' book, one container of Vaseline, and..." The cashier paused to count out the last items. "Three cucumbers!"

Korra couldn't hold it in any longer, She laughed mercilessly as everyone in line stared at Asami. If Bolin were here right now, Asami wouldn't do something as cliche as asking him to bury her alive. Nah, she would end that shit quickly by having him drive a stalagmite through her eye socket.

Or are they called stalactites?

Can earthbenders even  _bend_  stalactites? Asami made a mental note to ask Bolin if he can bend Calcium Carbonate the next time she saw him.

"What was the name of that book again?!"

The cashier cupped her hands around her mouth so she could amplify her voice. "FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!"

You know what? Fuck the stalactites. It would be a lot easier if she walked over to the hardware section and brained herself with the claw end of a hammer.

"Okay. Be back in a bit!" To everyone else in line, 'a bit' was three minutes of impatient groaning. To Asami, 'a bit' felt like two hours of social suicide. While Asami was contemplating whether or not she had enough cash on her to buy a hammer as well, Han finally returned with a slip of paper. The cashier looked at the paper and typed the item prices into her register before she finally looked up and smiled at Asami.

"That will be thirty-seven Yuans and 83 cents Ma'am."

Asami practically threw the forty Yuans at the cashier and waited while she printed out the receipt and gave her her change. Now that Asami's suffering was finally over she stomped over to Korra and shoved the bag into her arms while Korra giggled at her friends embarrassment.

"So Asami...What did you learn?"

"That you are literally an asshole?"

"Nice try, but no. What did you really learn?" Asami pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew Korra wouldn't let up so she finally gave in.

"Never bet the Avatar that she can't eat ten bowls of noodles in one sitting."

"Atta Girl. You know, I had a lot of fun shopping with you today, we should do it again sometime. I heard there was this little shop around the block that sells 'marital aides'." Korra waggled her eyebrows at her.

Okay. That's it, Asami had enough of this. If she was going to die of mortification in the middle of Wal-Mart of all places, then there was no way in hell she was going down alone. Asami laid a gentle hand on Korra's cheek and gave her an evil grin. She wanted everyone to hear what she had to say next.

"C'mon sweetie, let's hurry up and head home. We don't want to be late for  _date night_  again!" Korra's grin transformed into a look of horror as a few customers whistled and shouted catcalls at the two girls. Asami pried the umbrella from the stunned Avatar's hand and walked out into the wet parking lot. She didn't even bother waiting for Korra as she opened the umbrella and walked toward her car. The Avatar could walk home for all she cared.

It's not like the bitch didn't deserve it.


	3. Drive-Thru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra and Asami order some Mcdonalds.

**"So...you're telling me that I can just drive up to the window and get food?"**

_"Yep, you just drive up to the little speaker and tell them what you want. Then you drive up to the window and pick up your food."_ Asami drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as the girls waited for the cars in front of them to finish ordering.

**"So is it a robot?"**

_"...What the hell kind of question is that?"_

**"Well you just told me that the speaker thing makes the food for us. So...is it a robot?"**

_"..."_

**"Well?"**

_"I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard time grasping the fact that an individual who haves the knowledge of thousands of lives could possibly be this stupid."_

**"Excuse me for not knowing something. They don't exactly have drive thru robots in the South Pole."**

_"There are people inside the restaurant who cook the food. C'mon Korra, you eat at Republic Fried Chicken all the time, you should know this."_

**"Yeah but that place didn't have a drive thru with a robot that takes your order."**

_"It's not a-"_

**"If it's not a robot, why does the voice coming out of the speakers sound robotic? And why aren't any of these people worried about it?"**

_"Oh for the love of-"_ Asami gave up.  _"Yes Korra, it's a robot that takes your order."_

**"Called it. So what does this.."** Korra took a moment to read the sign on top of the menu screen.  **"'Mac Donalds' serve exactly?"**

_"McDonalds sells hamburgers and stuff."_

Korra scrunched up her nose at Asami's answer.  **"The fuck is that?"**

_"It's like a sandwich, except it's made with a patty of ground beef instead of lunch meat."_

**"Why didn't they just call it a sandwich then?"**

_"It's named after the town where the hamburger originated."_ Asami put the car in drive and slowly pulled forward. They were second in line now.

**"That's a retarded ass name to give a town."**

_"Don't look at me. I didn't pick it. I highly doubt you can come up with a better name."_

**"I sure as hell wouldn't have given it a stupid ass name like 'hamburger,' that's for sure."**

_"Knowing you, you would probably just name it after yourself."_

Korra smiled.  **"You know me so well."** **  
**

_"Yes, unfortunately."_  Asami pulled forward again. It was their turn to order now.  _"Look at the menu and decide what you want to order."_ Asami turned her head toward the speaker.  _"I'll have a Big Mac, small fries and a strawberry shake. Korra what do you want?"_

**"What's a cheeseburger? Do they replace the meat with cheese? Because that sounds pretty lame."**

"It's like a hamburger, but with cheese on top of it ma'am. The meat patty is still there."

**"So there's a town named 'Cheeseburger' too?"**

_"Oh for the love of- Korra, give the man a break and order."_

**"Well EXCUSE ME for being curious. I'm just going to order random things off of the menu now."** Korra crawled over Asami's lap and poked her head out of the window to read the menu.  **"I'll have the...20 piece chicken McNuggets, 2 Big Macs, 1 Cheese burger, an order of large fries, a medium chocolate shake and an apple pie."**

_"You sure you didn't miss anything?"_ Asami pushed her back and rolled her eyes.

**"Oh yeah, you're right. No onions on any of that stuff, because I'm seriously allergic to it. You put onions on it and I will go into shock and probably die. Then my friend Asami here will have to sue McDonalds to compensate for all the pain and suffering you have put her through."**

"Um...will that be all Miss?" Before Korra could add more food to their order Asami quickly spoke up.

_"No that will be all."_

"Alright miss. We'll give you your total at the second window."

_"Thank you."_  Asami pulled forward.  _"I swear, I can't take you anywhere."_

**"But you do it anyways because you love me."**

_"Actually I do it because Tenzin pays me to keep you out of trouble."_

**"Like you actually need the money."**

_"If you saw the electric and water bill for my mansion you wouldn't be saying that."_

**"Pshh whatever."** She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead.  **"Hey, look. The guy in front of us is checking you out."**  To Korra's surprise, Asami smiled and winked at him.

**"What the hell did you do that for?"**

_"You'll see."_

**"O...kay."** The car pulled forward and Asami paid the cashier. Korra tried to lean out of Asami's window again but was stopped by a hand shoved against her forehead.  _  
_

_"What the hell are you doing?"_ She deadpanned.

**"Just checking for robots."**

_"For fuck's sake there aren't any robots!"_ Korra grinned.

**"Yeah I know, I'm just messin' with you."** Asami had the urge to choke Korra but decided against it when the drive-thru window opened and the cashier handed her three bags.

"I'll have your milkshakes in a second Miss."

_"Thank you. Korra make sure all the food is there."_ She grabbed the bags and shoved a handful of french fries into her mouth.

**"Food's here."**

"Here are your milkshakes Miss, and two apple pies courtesy of the gentleman in the car before you."

**"Oooohhh... so that's why you..."** Korra nodded in appreciation.  **"Very Smooth."**  Asami rolled up her window and pulled onto the street.

_"I'm always smooth, and no, you can't have one."_ Asami bit into an apple pie and made a show of enjoying it in front of Korra.

**"C'mon... stop being greedy."**

_"Greedy? You have twice as much food as I do, not to mention the fact that I **paid** for it. And if you just dig through the two bags of food you have you would realize that you ordered your own apple pie. Seriously, I can't... Are you picking your nose in my car?"_

**"No, I'm just scratching it..."**

_"YOU'RE PICKING YOUR NOSE IN MY CAR!"_

**"Damn Asami, you need to calm down."**

_"Fuck you I'm not going to calm down. I have the top up and you didn't even roll the window down, which means you were planning on wiping off that bastard somewhere in my car!"_

**"Damn girl, you need to relax. I'll just roll down the window and- Why won't the window roll down?"**

_"It's a new invention called window lock. Keeps small children and idiots like you from rolling the windows down and falling out while the car is moving."_

**"Well are you going to unlock it?"**

_"No. I'm going to keep the window lock on and if that fucking booger isn't still on your finger by the time we get to my house I'm going to make you scour this car with tweezers until you find it."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"...That's seriously fucked up Asami."** Asami ignored her.  **"Well jokes on you. I'll just grab one of these napkins and...oops..."**

_"Let me guess. You dropped it?"_

**"Yeeeeaahhh..."**

_"In one of the bags?"_

**"Yep."**

Asami sighed.  _"It was the bag with my food in it, wasn't it?_ "

**"Yea-OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?"**

_"YOU-"_

**"OW!"**

_"JUST-"_

**"FUCK!"**

_"DROPPED A-"_

**"SHIT!"**

_"BOOGER-"_

**"OW!"**

_"IN MY-"_

**"LOOK OUT!"**

They were going to run the red light. If she hit the brakes now, they would stop in the middle of the street and get hit by the truck coming from the right. If they tried to swerve to the left they would definitely hit car coming from the left side. Asami did the only thing she could in that situation.

She sped up.

They cleared the car on the left side but the truck was too close. Asami swerved to the left a little and the truck missed her car by inches. She slammed on the brakes and gulped down deep breaths to calm her nerves.  _"Korra...you alright?"_

**"Aww... you really do care."** Asami didn't know what she was talking about until she looked at Korra and realized her arm was held out in front of Korra's chest to brace her against impact.

_"I'm still mad at you. I swear this day-"_

**"Don't say it."**

_"-Couldn't get any worse."_ Blue and red sirens started flashing behind the car.

**"Told you not to say it."**

_"Shut up Korra."_ Asami rolled down her window when the police officer tapped his flashlight against it.

"Asami?" Of course it had to be him.

_"Mako?"_

**"Hey babe. How's it going?"**

"Well besides the fact that I just caught my friend and girlfriend speeding through a red light, I'm doing fine."

_"Yeah I'm real sorry about that Mako. Won't happen agai... and he's writing me a ticket."_

**"What the hell Mako? You can't let her off with a warning?"**

"Sorry my boss wouldn't like it if I gave my friends special treatment." Korra glared at him.

**"Well tell your 'Boss' the 'Avatar', A.K.A. the 'woman who gave her her bending back' would consider it a personal favor if she let Asami off with a warning."**

"Sorry babe, I already wrote the ticket out." He tore it off of his pad and gave it to Asami. "You ladies have a wonderful evening." Mako got back on his bike and drove off.

_"He gave me a ticket...After everything I did for him."_  She crumpled up the ticket and threw it in the glove box.

**"Yeah that was kind of a jerk thing to do."**

_"I convinced my father to sponsor his pro-bending team..."_

**"I know, and it really sucks."**

_"I took him and his brother in when they lost their apartment..."_

**"C'mon Asami, cheer up..."**

_"I can't believe I fucked him."_

**"WOAH WOAH WOAH! I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT! Are you serious?"**

_"Yes I had sex with him. Who did you think taught him everything he knows?"_ Korra blushed.

**"So... that technique he does with his fingers?"**

_"I showed him that."_

**"And the way he uses his mouth to, you know..."**

_"Took a few tries before he got it down, but I taught him that too."_

**"Asami?"**

_"Yeah?"_

_**"...Thank you."** _

_"You're welcome."_


	4. Late Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra calls Asami at two in the morning.

_"Mmm...hello?"_

**"Asami! Thank God you're awake!"**

_"Korra it's,"_ She looked at her clock.  _"2 in the morning. Why are you calling me?"_

**"I fucked up. Very badly."**

_"What are you-"_

**"I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up."**

_"Korra just calm down-"_

**"I fucked up. Ooooh shit I have fucked up."**

_"Korra just shut up for a second and tell me what's going on."_ Asami crawled out of bed and slipped on a bathrobe, there was no way she was going to sleep now.  _"Start from the beginning."_ Korra took a moment to stop hyperventilating before she continued.

**"Alright, from the beginning, okay. So I was just sitting at home chilling and minding my own business when i suddenly started to feel hungry so I was thinking 'okay I'll just go and get some seal jerky from my stash in the kitchen' so I go to the kitchen and realize I was out of jerky and I'm all like 'Aw man that sucks balls' so I decide to go into the city to get some at the gas station but I couldn't find Naga because she was out in the woods doing her polarbear-dog thing so I decided to take that car Tarrlok gave me Yeah I know that I shouldn't be driving since I don't have my license yet but I was soo hungry Asami** *deep breath*  **So I get my jerky and start to drive back to the ferry but I dropped the jerky while I was driving and I swear I only took my eyes off of the road for a second Asami."**

_"Korra...what happened?"_ She did not like where this conversation was going.

**"They just came out of nowhere. Wait a minute, what if someone is listening in on us right now?"**

_"Who?"_

**"You know, ' _They!'_ Shit they are probably listening to us. I don't know you. Who is this? Don't come here! I'm hanging up the phone. PRANK CALLER! PRANK CALLER!"**

Korra hung up. Asami sighed and walked over to her closet to pull out some clothes to wear. If Korra is going to drop a bag of flaming crap on her doorstep, she wanted to be dressed for the occasion.

* * *

By the time Asami made it to the front door she could hear Korra screeching to a halt in her front yard. Korra kicked open her door and tumbled out of the car when her foot caught on the seat belt. Asami held out her hand and helped the Avatar up.

_"So what did you do this..."_ It took a second to sink in. Mangled grill, cracked windshield, some type of fabric stuck on the hood ornament, and was that... _blood?_

_"Holy crap you actually hit someone, didn't you?"_ She nodded.  _"And you actually left them **in the middle of the road?!"**_

**"No of course not! He's in the trunk."**

_"Korra!"_

**"I panicked okay? Could you possibly imagine the SHITSTORM that would ensue if it got out that the motherfucking AVATAR killed a guy on a seal jerky run? I don't know what to do, YOU GOTTA HELP ME ASAMI!"**

Asami pulled the keys out of the ignition and used it to pop open the trunk.  _"Holy shit..."_ Well there was definitely a man in the trunk. Korra had enough sense to throw a blanket over his body so she didn't have to look at how mangled the he looked. The top of his head was slightly sticking out of the blanket and Asami could tell that his black hair was matted with blood.

_"Oh man, this is bad. Give me a second to think okay."_ Asami closed the trunk and paced the yard for a moment. Korra really messed up this time. They had a little over three hours to dispose of the evidence and if Korra wanted to avoid prison she would need to come up with a plan.  _"Alright, this is what we're going to do. Go into the garage and fill up a bucket with soap and water, we need to wash the blood off of the car so it won't draw any attention. I need to go inside and get my purse."_

**"Why do you need your purse?"** Asami narrowed her eyes.

_"We need to make a stop at Walmart."_

* * *

"So, did you find everything okay?" The cashier asked as she rang up another package of bacon.

_"Yes we did."_ Asami dropped another armful of bologna onto the conveyor belt.  _"Thank you."_

"Do you two own a restaurant or something?"

**"NO!"**  Korra barked.  **"It's for a competition! 9th annual ham off! Where inner city teens compete to make the best ham dish to raise money for their school. First prize winner gets a OOF-"** Asami quickly removed her elbow from Korra's ribs before the cashier noticed.

_"Don't mind her."_ Asami forced a smile.  _"She is just really enthusiastic when it comes to ham. There's four more at the bottom of the cart."_ Asami waited until the cashier started scanning the hams before she turned to Korra and whispered to her.  _"Korra you need to stop freaking out. We're almost through this so just keep your mouth shut and play it cool."_

**"But what if they suspect something?"**

_"They won't if you would just calm down. We'll be done in a couple of hours so help me out okay?"_ Korra took a deep breath and exhaled through her nostrils.

**"Alright. I'm good. I'm okay."**  Asami paid for the meat and led Korra to the car.

_"Help me put this in the back seat. the Sun's gonna be up in a couple of hours."_

* * *

An hour and a half later Asami and Korra finally made it to the swamp. Asami put the car in park and turned up the headlights so they can see.  _"We only have a half an hour before the sun comes up so we gotta make this quick. Catgators don't really have a taste for human meat, but they love ham. So I'm gonna take some of the meat and-"_

**"How do you know that catgators don't like human meat?"**

_"Don't worry about it. I'm going to take some meat and lure them-"_

**"Have you done this before? Because you are starting to scare me."**

_"DAMMIT KORRA I NEED YOU TO FOCUS!"_ Asami pinched the bridge of her nose. The entire situation was starting to take it's toll on her.  _"Grab the body out of the trunk, I'll use the meat to lure the catgators closer."_

Both girls got out of the car and got to work. After a few packages of sausage Asami could see a few glowing eyes staring back at her from the water so she turned to check on the Avatar's progress. Korra managed to get the covered up body out of the trunk and was dragging it closer to the edge of the water.

**"Holy crap, we are really doing this right now, aren't we?"** Korra dropped the man's legs and started to circle the body like a caged animal.  **"Is this really happening right now? Please tell me that this isn't real life and just some fucked up fantasy Asami."**

_"Korra this is real right now and we don't have that much time left."_

**"This is all happening too fast man! It's like I'm caught in a fucking landslide with no escape from reality here."**

_"Wait... why do I feel like I have heard this before?"_

**"Open your eyes Asami!"**

_"What are you going on about?"_

**"Look up to the skies and see!"**

_"Yeah the Sun's almost up. You have finally lost it, haven't you?"_

**"No I haven't lost it. I may be a poor girl, but I don't need your sympathy."**

_"Korra this is serious. We're almost out of_  time..." Realization dawned on her. _"Dammit! You're fucking with me aren't you?"_

**"Maybe. I'm an easy come, easy go kind of girl."**

_"Did you seriously drag me out to the middle of a swamp to quote **Bohemian Rhapsody?!** That's fucking low Korra!" **  
**_

**"Eh, I would say it's a little high and a little low."**

_"MOTHERFUCKER!"_  Asami pulled at her hair in frustration and started to mutter to herself.  _"I can't believe I let your stupid ass drag me out to this random ass swamp to make a random ass Queen reference."_

**"C'mon Asami, you didn't even let me get to the good part of the song."**

_"Is that even a real body you had in the trunk?"_ She pointed to the body covered by the blanket.

**"Good question, lets find out!** She took a deep breath and bellowed.  **"I SEE A LITTLE SILHOUETTO OF A MAN! SCRAMOUCHE! SCRAMOUCHE!"**

"WHEN YOU DO THE FANDANGO!" The body sprang to life and grabbed a corner of the blanket before he wrapped it around his shoulders like a cape and took a bow.

She should have known that Bolin would be in on this.

"So Asami, on a scale of one to ten, how badly did we just prank you right now?!"

_"Unbelievable! Bolin are you seriously telling me that you locked yourself in a trunk for three hours for the sake of a **prank?** "_

"Woman, when I commit to a prank, I  **fully** commit."

Without another word, Asami grabbed both of their ears and cracked their heads together.

_"I should belt you both for dragging me out to this fucking place in the middle of the night."_

"Please don't kill us Asami!"

**"Yeah we're sorry."** Korra chuckled.  **"We just wanted to make today special."**

_"Wait, what?"_

**"Happy Birthday!"** Bolin and Korra took handfuls of confetti out of their pockets and threw it into the air.

_"You...remembered my birthday?"_

"We sure did! Right Korra?"

**"Yep. Remember how you told me about your birthday a couple of months ago? Remember what I said? I told you that I may not be able to get you a fancy gift, but I will sure as hell make it memorable."**

_"Wow..."_  For a second, Asami was deeply touched that they had put forward the effort to celebrate her birthday. But then she remembered that she had spent over 200 yuans on meat to hide a fake body.

Asami rubbed her forehead and glared at them.  _"Alright, two things. First thing: At the moment I am so furious with the both of you right now that I am going to get in Korra's car and leave you guys with the catgators."_ Asami pulled the keys out of her pocket and got into the car.  _"Second thing: I'm really touched that you guys remembered my birthday, but next year, buy a fucking cake."_ Asami pulled a u-turn and drove away. Korra and Boliin started to run after her.

**"Wait! We're sorry okay!"**

"Don't leave us with the Catgators!"

The car suddenly stopped and reversed until it pulled up next to the teens.  _"Hey Bolin,"_ Asami asked.  _"Can you bend stalactites?"_

"I...don't even know what that is."

_"Yeah...I assumed as much."_ She put the car back in drive and sped off.

**"That was a random ass question."**

"I can't believe she left us here."

**"Don't worry, Asami will make us walk a couple of miles before her conscience gets the best of her and she picks us up."**

"What makes you think that?"

**"Wouldn't be the first time she has abandoned me on the side of the road."** Korra shrugged.  **"She was pretty mad this time, so it might be closer to 4 miles."**

"So next year we're gonna buy her a cake?"

**"Definitely."**


	5. Abdominals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami draws Korra.

**"Make sure you get my good side okay?"**

_"Yeah whatever. Can you remind me why I agreed to do this again?"_ Asami settled down underneath the nearest shady tree and flipped to a blank page in her sketchbook.  _"Never mind that, I gotta ask, what's with the outfit?"_

**"It's the same outfit the warriors wear in the Water Tribe. I thought you knew that already."**

_"Of course I knew that. What I'm asking is why the hell did you cut off the bottom half of your shirt."_

**"To show off my abs. Why else?"**

_"Are... You being serious right now?"_

**"Of course I'm being serious! If you are going to commission-"**

_"Commission? You mean you were actually planning on paying me for all of this hard work?"_

**"What? No! As I was saying-"**

_"That's why you are only getting a sketch instead of a painting."_

**"AS I WAS SAYING, if you are going to commission art of the Avatar, you gotta make sure that shit looks majestic."**

_"By showing your abs?"_

**"Exactly! The Avatar needs to project strength in this painting-"**

_"Sketch."_

**"WHATEVER ASAMI! What I'm trying to say is that I need to show off my muscles and the shoulder pad thingies cover my perfect biceps."**

_"So in other words, you cut off the bottom half of your shirt to compensate."_

**"Yep, that's right."**

_"That has got to be the stupidest-"_ Asami stopped mid sentence took a deep breath.  _"Forget it, I'm not going to waste anymore time trying to figure out how your twisted little mind works and just go with the flow. How do you wanna do this?"_ She patiently tapped pencil on the edge of her sketch pad while Korra thought of which pose she wanted to use.

**"Okay, how about this?"** Korra grabbed her boomerang from the sheath on her back and cocked her arm back like she was going to throw it. **"Does this look majestic enough for you?"**

_"All I'm thinking is that your arm will get tired very quickly if you plan on holding it up the entire time."_

**"Yeah you're right. It wouldn't be very majestic if you draw a picture of the Avatar struggling to hold their arm up. How about this?"** Korra put her boomerang away and pulled off her helmet.  **"Now Asami I must warn you, I am going to wear my hair down for this picture. Just brace yourself because I don't want your ovaries to explode from the force of the pure, sexual energy I'm about to give off."**

_"...Anyone ever tell you that you're kind of full of yourself?"_ Asami dead panned.

**"All the time. I just wanted to make sure you're prepared for the majesty that is Avatar Korra with her hair down."**

_"Will you please stop saying majesty and pose already?!"_

**"Fine be that way. How about this?"** Korra earth bent a small platform to rest her left leg on and propped her helmet on her knee. She pulled the hair ties out of her hair and shook it free.

_"Yeah that will be fine."_

**"Asami?"**

_"Yeah?"_

**"Paint me like one of your F-"**

_"If you say 'paint me like one of your Fire Nation girls' I will make your boobs lop-sided."_

**"..."**

_"..."_

**"Asami?"**

_"What?!"_  Asami bit out.

**"Paint me like one of your Fire Nation girls."**  She whispered.

_"God dammit Korra."_

* * *

**"Soo... Are you almost done yet?"**

_"It has only been 45 minutes since I started Korra. I'm not done yet."_

**"C'mon Asami I thought you artist types could pop out art like its nothing."**

_"Well we can't so stop complaining. Lift you chin up a little higher."_  Korra followed her instructions.

**"So how's the shading?"**

_"It's fine."_

**"Is my face looking perfect?"**

_"I wouldn't call it perfect, but it looks like you."_

**"Is that your under-handed way of calling me ugly?"**

_"Yes."_

**"Since you are nice enough to draw me I'll let that comment slide. How are my abs looking?"**

_"I'm drawing those right now."_  Korra grinned.

**"Wonderful. Make sure you pay close attention to my abs, they need to be perfect."**  She flexed her stomach muscles.  **"And Asami? Don't feel too alarmed at that tingling sensation you are feeling right now. It is perfectly natural to experience arousal when gazing upon to perfection that is the Avatar's abdominal muscles."**

_"You know what? Be thankful that I am finished or I would have quit after that sentence left your mouth."_  She ripped the page out of her sketchbook and held it out to Korra.

**"YES, FINALLY! I CAN'T WAIT TO-"**  Her smile quickly fell when she got a good look at the picture.  **"What the hell Asami?!"**

In the picture Korra was lying on the ground unconscious while Asami stood over her smiling. She wore Korra's Watertribe helmet while she flexed her muscles like a body builder with her foot firmly planted on Korra's head. Asami also included Mako and Bolin in the picture. Both of the brothers wore speedos while they clung to Asami's legs like the women on the covers of fantasy romance novels.

Asami propped her elbow on Korra's shoulder and looked at the picture with her.  _"So... What do you think?"_

**"... You made my boobs lop-sided..."**

_"Sure did. I'm really proud of this one, I think I might get it framed so I can hang it up in my office."_

**"YOU MADE MY BOOBS LOP-SIDED!"**

_"Hey I told you what was going to happen if you said the thing."_

**"SO YOU MADE ME POSE FOR AN HOUR FOR NOTHING?"**

_"Yep that's the gist of it."_

**"That's... Real fucked up Asami."**

**"Yeah I know."**

Korra turned the picture sideways and continued to stare at it. " **Well at least you got my abs right."**

_"Of course I did. I may be mean, but I knew how important the abs were for you. Am I right?"_

**"...Yes."**  Korra grumbled.

_"C'mon let's get something to eat then,"_  Asami ruffled Korra's 'majestic' hair.  _"I'll even buy you a milkshake. But first things first, you need to change out of that outfit."_

Korra pouted.  **"Fine. But I'm still mad at you."**

_"I'll live."_

**"I still want you to draw me a real picture."**

_"Sure, just make sure you pay me next time."_


	6. Chicken Nuggets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami cuts Korra off.

 

**"So why aren't we going through the drive-thru again?"**

_"Because the last time we went through the drive-thru you dropped a booger in my food, caused me to run a red light, and I got a ticket from my ex-boyfriend."_

**"You're still mad about that? I said I was sorry, and I even shared my food with you."**

_"I would hardly consider the cheeseburger and six fries I managed to snatch from that vacuum you call a stomach as sharing, but whatever. I don't want a repeat of last time so we're eating here."_

**"C'mon, what are the odds of that happening again?"** Korra leaned back against the railing and crossed her arms.

_"Very likely with you around."_ Asami took a moment to look at the menu. _"I don't even know why I agreed to take you here. It's too early to get lunch anyway."_

**"Yeah whatever, you know what you want yet?"**

_"Just get me a Big Mac combo. Here's my purse, I gotta use the restroom."_  Asami handed Korra her purse and got out of line. When it was Korra's turn she approached the counter.

"Hello Miss, what can I get you today?"

**"Um, can I get a Big Mac combo for my friend and you know that 20 chicken nuggets for five yuans deal you got going on?"**

"Yeah I know what you mean but-"

**"I want five of those."**

"... Five?" The cashier gaped at her. "You do realize that's a total of 100 nuggets right?"

**"Yes I do, and I plan on eating all 100 of them."**

"I'm sorry Miss but I wouldn't be able to fill that order because it's too-"

**"Too much for one person to eat?"**  Korra leaned against the counter with both hands.

"No, not at all."

**"Are you refusing to sell me nuggets because you think it's unhealthy?"**

"Well it's definitely bad for you to eat that many but that's not-"

**"I'll have you know that I am a perfect physical specimen, who can totally eat that many nuggets with no problem whatsoever."**

"I'm not saying that you can't do it but-"

**"I totally can and I'll prove it to you. Take a look at this."**

* * *

Asami finished washing her hands when she felt a shiver run down her spine.  _"That's weird, where did this sudden feeling of dread come from?"_

It took her a few seconds of pondering before it suddenly clicked.

Korra must be making an ass out of herself.

_"Fucking Korra."_  She dried her hands quickly and stormed out of the restroom.

* * *

**"C'mon! Just touch them already!"**

"Miss please don't make me touch them."

**"All I'm asking for is one little squeeze. It's just a bicep. You have no idea how many people would pay just to touch the Avatar's guns."**

"Miss, please stop flexing, you're scaring the customers."

**"I'll stop when you touch them. Don't make me come over the counter."**  Korra took a couple of steps back to vault over the counter. She managed to prop one foot next to the register before Asami interrupted her.

_"Korra! What the hell are doing?"_

**"Oh shit! Heeey Asami,"** she slowly lowered her leg to the ground. **"I was just, you know, showing this guy my muscles and-"**

_"Really? That's what you're going with?"_  Korra cringed.

**"Well I 'may' have tried to order a hundred chicken nuggets and he 'may' have refused to sell them to me."**

"That's only because we-" Korra interrupted him.

**"He thinks I wouldn't be able to eat them all without having a heart attack or something. I am perfectly healthy, and if I decide to eat a hundred chicken nuggets that is my decision."**

_"Seriously Korra, what the fuck? Did you honestly think I would waste twenty-five yuans on chicken nuggets?"_

**"Um...No?"**

_"Damn straight I'm wouldn't. The last time I let you have that much food you threw up in my front lawn. I'm sorry I have to do this Korra but I'm cutting you off."_

**"But Asamiii-"**

_"Don't you 'But Asami' me. From now on you order one entrée, one side and one drink."_

**"What are you, my nutritionist now?"**

**"I am when I'm paying for it. Pick what you want to eat or so help me I will order my own food and eat it in front of you."**

**"But I'm Hun-"**

_"One entrée."_

**"I haven't eaten break-"**

_"One side."_

**"C'mon Asami-"**

_"ONE DRINK!"_

**"FINE!"** Korra crossed her arms and sulked. **"Get me the same thing you're having."**

_"I swear I can't take you anywhere."_  Asami finally turned to the cashier and smiled anxiously.  _"I am really, really sorry about my friend here. She can be a handful. We'll take two Big Mac combos."_

"I'm really sorry Ma'am, but I can't fill that order."

_"What?"_  Asami bit out.

**"I told you this guy is refusing to take our order."**

_"Why can't you take our order?"_

"I'm so sorry. But I tried to tell your friend but she kept interrupting me, then she tried to get me to touch her muscles and then everything just spiraled out of control!"

_"Alright just calm down. Tell us why we can't get Big Macs."_

"It's only ten a.m. We don't sell lunch until ten-thirty."

Asami just stared at him.

**"... Asami?"**

_"..."_

**"Hey you still with us?"**  Korra waved a hand in front of her face. Finally she spoke.

_"Oh! Silly me. Of course you're still serving breakfast."_ Asami smiled.  _"We'll take two Egg Mcmuffins... Two hash browns...and two coffees please."_

**"Um, I don't think I want coffee. I wanna get some-"**  Asami gently interrupted her.

_"My mistake, make that one coffee and one orange juice."_

**"Yeah that's what I wanted... Thanks?"**

_"You're welcome Korra."_  She added pleasantly. Asami paid for the food and the girls settled into a booth. After a couple of minutes of Asami smiling in her own little world Korra finally spoke up.

**"Okay you are really starting to freak me out."**

_"Why would you say that Korra?"_

**"Because after what happened just now you should be furious with me."**

_"Actually,"_ Asami continued to smile.  _"I am so furious right now that my emotions have come full circle and I can't help but feel unexplainable happiness."_

**"Oh my God I think I broke her."**  Korra muttered to herself. **"Asami, you know you're my best friend and I really, really care for you right?"**

_"Of course I do."_

**"That's great to hear. And you know best friends don't murder each other right?"**

_"Yes I know."_

**"Good. Just... Please don't murder me in my sleep tonight okay?"**

_"Wouldn't dream of it. And Korra?"_

**"Yeah?"**

_"Next time you get hungry, we are going to fucking Subway."_


	7. Grand Prix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra enters a race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta thank Blogquantumreality from Tumblr for the prompt:  
> Asami enters a Satomobile race contest, but she can’t race her own car because of a ruled conflict of interest, so she asks Korra to do it. Korra, of course, remembers the last time she tried driving a car, and isn’t so sure at first….

"So you want me to participate in this 'Grand Pricks' contest? Because if it is what I think it is, you know I would totally be down for it."

"Really Korra? It pronounced 'Grand Pree' and you need to get your mind out of the gutter." Asami pointed to something on the poster. "The race is this Saturday and the winner gets fifty grand."

"That will buy me SO many chicken nuggets."

"Really Korra? With that much money you can franchise your own Mcdonalds."

"I'm more of a fan of instant gratification. So who's prick am I racing?"

Asami rolled up the poster and smacked Korra on the nose. "Mind. Out. Of. Gutter. You race cars, not... that."

The Avatar crossed her arms and gave Asami a skeptical look. "Alright Asami, I'm sorry if this comes out wrong but I have to ask because you're my friend and I care about you. Korra grabbed Asami's shoulders and stared into her eyes. "Are you on drugs right now?"

"No." Asami dead panned.

"Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure you just asked me, a person who can barely drive and crashed your precious car into a lamp post, to participate in a high speed race against other racers who have probably been driving since your dad invented cars. Not only that but there is also a very high probably that I will literally crash your car, that is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, catch on fire and die. Now did I leave anything out or is there something you would like to add?"

"No that pretty much explains it."

"Oh my God you really are on drugs. Or...Are you trying to kill me? That's what you're trying to do isn't it?!"

"No! Of course not! I'm asking you to do this for me because you're my best friend and I have seen you accomplish great things. I know if you put your mind to it, you can- you know what? Fuck it. I'm asking you to race because my usual driver broke his arm and I won't be able to find a replacement in time. I would drive myself but sponsors can't drive their own vehicles."

"So you're literally asking me to do this because you have no choice?"

Asami shrugged. "Yeah pretty much."

"Okay."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Asami, I'm the fucking Avatar. I have people approaching me ALL the time asking me for favors that put my life in danger. I don't even get hazard pay… Or any pay. Korra rubbed her chin. "Huh, I really need to speak to Tenzin about that. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I can handle a race."

"Oh God thank you!" Asami hugged her. "We only have a few days to train you so we should get started right away."

"Calm down Asami, we'll Montage it."

"…What?!"

"You know, Montage it. Magically compress months of training within the span of a few minutes using the power of video editing and catchy 80's music."

"… WHAT?!"

"Don't worry about it Asami, I got this under control."

* * *

 

"...Welp," Asami frowned. "I let the Avatar get behind the wheel of a car and drive down an empty road at extremely high speeds while playing Dangerzone on my radio at maximum volume. I honestly do not know what I expected to happen." Asami plucked a twig out of her hair and combed her hair back while she continued to stare at the sight above her.

"C'mon Asami it's not that-" Both girls watched silently as a hubcap fell from the branches above and slowly rolled away. "Okay it is kind of bad. But hey, at least I didn't hit that squirrel."

"Korra..." Asami pinched the bridge of her nose. "When most drivers see an animal in the road, they apply their brakes, or at least try to swerve out of the way. What they don't do is EARTHBEND a ramp and launch their friend's car, THAT WAS JUST MADE IN A FACTORY YESTERDAY, by the way," she paused to mentally calculate how far the ramp was "Over 150 feet and lodge the fucker into some freaking trees. How is that even possible?!"

"Well if you factor in the angle of my ramp and the speed that we were traveling, you should be able to calculate the trajecto-"

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU LIMP CABBAGE!"

"Good because I don't remember what equation you would even use to calculate something like that."

"Korra,… please stop talking." Asami pulled out her phone and began to scroll through her contacts list. "You are so lucky I pay extra for insurance that covers bending related accidents…"

"Um, Asami?"

"To be honest, I'm partially to blame for this. As a responsible adult I should have predicted something like this would happen."

"Asami?"

"There was no way I could teach you to drive in a few days. I should just quit while I'm a-"

"ASAMI!"

"WHAT?!"

Korra grabbed Asami's hand and quickly dragged her back thirty feet. Seconds later, a large crack could be heard as the branches finally gave way and Asami's car came crashing upside down on the side of the road.

Asami quietly released Korra's hand walked to the middle of road. She dropped to her knees and tipped over to her side. She hugged herself and watched silently as her brand new car burst into flames.

"Asami?"

The engineer said nothing.

"Hey buddy, why don't you get out of the road before a car comes by and runs you over?"

"That's the plan Korra."

"Now you're just being a drama queen."

"Korra, the race is tomorrow and there is no way you are good enough to drive."

"I got this."

"How can you be so optimistic?!"

"Through the power of friendship! The power of believing in yourself! The heart of the cards and all that other bullshit!"

"Did you seriously just quote Yu-Gi-Oh?"

"Shut up I'm having a moment here. You asked me to do you a favor and I'm gonna see it through." Korra helped Asami to her feet and brushed her off. "Besides I don't think it's possible to fuck up this badly in tomorrow's race. So are you in or what?"

"Fine, I'm in. Just promise me you won't do anything crazy. Don't even try to win, just focus on not crashing and finish the race so I can get some publicity and sell more cars. Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah sure. I got it completely under control."

* * *

 

Korra did not have it under control.

At all.

~Ladies and gentlemen the Avatar is airborne! I repeat THE AVATAR IS AIRBORNE! Just seconds into the race and the Avatar has already crashed, nearly taking the entire pit crew with her! It is ABSOLUTE CARNAGE as the firefighters rush to the scene!~

The audience gasped in surprise as Korra kicked out her window and stumbled out of the wreckage.

~What's this?! BY GOD THE AVATAR IS ON FIRE! AVATAR KORRA IS ON FIRE! IT'S HARD TO MAKE OUT WITH ALL THE SMOKE BUT I BELIEVE THE AVATAR IS TRYING TO LOCATE A SOURCE OF WATER TO DOUSE THE FLAMES! It looks like she finally found some water- OH NO! IT'S NOT WATER! IT'S- IT'S GASOLINE! AVATAR KORRA HAS JUST BENT GASOLINE ON HERSELF AND NOW THE FLAMES ARE BIGGER THAN EVER! THE FIREFIGHTERS ARE TRYING TO PUT THE FLAMES OUT BUT THE AVATAR IS IN FULL PANIC MODE! SHE IS RUNNING SO ERRATICALLY THAT THE FIREFIGHTERS ARE HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME PINNING HER DOWN WITH THEIR WATERBENDING. OH NO. OH NO! THE AVATAR IS RUNNING ACROSS THR TRACK! THE ENTIRE SITUATION HAS GONE FROM BAD TO WORSE. IF AVATAR KORRA REMAINS ON THE TRACKS SHE COULD~

The audience screamed in terror as another racer swerved to avoid the Avater and crashed into the divider separating the track from the bleachers.

~UNBELIEVEABLE! LEE ISHIKAWA, THE DRIVER SPONSORED BY CABBAGE CORP HAS JUST CRASHED TRYING TO AVOID THE AVATAR! He's climbing out and he seems to be uninjured- BUT NEVER MIND THAT! THE AVATAR IS STILL ON FIRE! Wait- is that? IT IS! REPUBLIC CITY, CEO OF FUTURE INDUSTRIES AND CLOSE FRIEND OF THE AVATAR, ASAMI SATO, IS RUNNING ACROSS THE TRACK WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!~

The crowd cheered as Asami chased down Korra.

~It's hard to tell from here but it looks like Asami Sato is instructing the Avatar to stop, drop, and roll! The Avatar is still in panic mode and she is not listening to the CEO's instruct- OH MY GOODNESS! ASAMI SATO HAS JUST DROP KICKED THE AVATAR! I REPEAT, ASAMI SATO HAS DROP KICKED THE AVATAR AND IS NOW EXTINGUISHING THE FLAMES, SAVING AVATAR KORRA'S LIFE! SOMEONE GIVE THAT GIRL A MEDAL, SHE DESERVES IT!~

The audience continued to cheer as Asami sprayed Korra down with the extinguisher.

~Republic city, I have never seen such an unusual chain of events in my entire career. Everyone in the stands, I hope you got good pictures because I doubt we will ever experience such an event again…~

* * *

 

"Well, that was a thing… That happened." Korra lifted her arms so the healer can get to the burn on her side. Asami occupied the corner of the medical tent as she watched the healer work.

"Yeah. Good thing you were wearing that racing suit. How are you feeling?"

"Like I was just set on fire?"

"Okay, that was a dumb question." Asami smiled at her friend. "I'm glad you're alright."

"Aww, I want to hug you right now but I can't, you know, with the burns and everything." Korra lowered her arms as the healer moved to her legs. "By the way, thank you for drop kicking me in the face and saving my life."

"And thank you for failing so spectacularly that I got to be a hero who drop kicks people to save their lives. To be honest, you did a lot better than I expected."

"What?"

"I figured that the worse case scenario would be that you would crash ten seconds into the race and be eliminated. You lasted a whopping eighteen seconds before you crashed and you even took out that racer from Cabbage Corp. That's definitely a win for me."

Korra stared at her friend with wide eyes. "That's… kind of fucked up Asami."

"Hey it's not like he was hurt or anything, I just REALLY hate Cabbage Corp."

"You really need to work on your priorities Asami."

"Whatever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I had a lot of fun playing around with this prompt. Just so you know. I am accepting prompts for this story. You got a funny situation you would like me to tackle, let me know on here or tumblr (stillnotgoodatthis).


	8. Mover Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra and Asami go to see a mover. It goes as well as you expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... a lot has happened since the last time I updated this story, and by a lot I mean Korra and Asami running off on a 'Bi' annual vacation to the spirit world. Yeah I'm just as surprised as the rest of you guys, but as a korrasami shipper since book 1 (our little dinghy has turned into an aircraft carrier) I gotta say I'm very happy at the moment. I gotta say since the finale happened and we have canon korrasami now, I was kind of on the fence on whether or not I would take this in a more romantic direction. After a while of thinking it over I realized a couple of things:
> 
> 1\. I suck at writing romance.
> 
> 2\. I had originally intended to have this story take place between books one and two, which is the time period where Korra is dating Mako.
> 
> So with that in mind, I'm going to keep their relationship platonic for now. That is the way the story started out after all. I'm not going to stop you if you do interpret it in a romantic way, but I'm just letting you guys know what's up. Who knows, I might try romance some day, but it may take a while.

"I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't let you take that into the theater."

 **"And why the hell not? This is my medication we are talking about here. Don't you know what happens if I go too long without my medication?"** Korra sneered.  **"First I get terrible stomach pains, then I begin to suffer from a lack of energy. And get this, if I go too long without my medicine... I COULD DIE!"**

"Ma'am, that's not medicine."

**"Oh yeah? Then what is it?"**

"It's a bucket of fried chicken."

Korra glared at him.

**"... It's my hunger medication."**

_"Korra..."_ Asami sighed.  _"Just give it up, throw the chicken out so we can watch the mover."_

 **"No way, I've only had like two pieces on the way over. You know there are starving children in Ba Sing Se who would appreciate this bucket of fried chicken."** She cradled her bucket of chicken protectively.

_"Well unless your Avatar powers include the ability to teleport a bucket of fried chicken to starving Earth Kingdom children in the ten minutes we have before the mover starts, I suggest you throw the damn chicken away."_

**"Ugh, fiiine."** Korra dumped her chicken in the trashcan and pouted.  **"This mover better be good."**

"Yeah whatever, number six is to the left past the concession stand." The girls handed their tickets to the usher and walked inside.

_"I'm going to get a Coke Korra. You want anything?"_

**"Yeah get me some popcorn and a box of Whoppers. I'll go save you a seat."**

Minutes later the girls were finally settled into their seats waiting for the movie to start.  _"By the way, thanks for coming to this mover with me Korra."_  Asami took the lid off of her Coke and pulled something out of her coat pocket. _"For some reason Mako and Bolin refuse to go to the movies with me after what happened last time."_

**"Could it be because you are currently pouring a flask of whiskey into your soda right now?"**

_"Rum Korra. And they said it's because I 'Tend to get too involved' in the movers."_

**"Hmm... I wonder why."** Korra stared at Asami as she took a sip of her drink.

_"Shut up, it enhances the experience."_

**"Suuure it does."** Korra propped her chin in her hand and stared forward as the trailers started to run.

* * *

It didn't take Korra long to realize why Bolin and Mako never wanted to watch a mover with Asami.

_"Are you seeing this shit Korra?!"_

**"We are watching the same mover Asami."**

_"BUT SERIOUSLY THO, HOW FUCKED UP-"_ Asami paused to take a sip of her drink. The couple behind them groaned at the loud slurping that could be heard as Asami sipped from a cup that only had half melted ice in it.  _"How fucked up do you have to be to poison a small child for attention?"_ She whispered loudly.

 **"Yeah 'Sami, real messed up."** Korra decided that she was totally done at this point.

 _"Whatzit called when you-when you make people sick for attention?"_ Asami leaned over and half-shouted in Korra's ear.  _"Manchester? Worcestershire?"_

**"Pretty sure that's a sauce."**

_"Then what's it callllled? I swear this is going to bug me all night."_

"It's Munchhausen By Proxy. Now would you kindly shut the hell up and watch the mover?" The man behind them yelled.

 _"Well fuck you very much for the help Mister. I 'preciate you."_ Korra hid her face in her hands in embarrassment.

"That's it! I'm getting the Usher!"

 _"Don't bother! We were just leaving!"_ Asami stood up and dragged a reluctant Avatar to her feet.  _"This movie is stupid anyway. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to make a mover about some little boy and a ghost therapist who doesn't even realize he's fucking dead? It's so obvious! M. Night Cama-, umm... Shama- **SHYAMALAN!** Yeah, that's it! He is TERRIBLE at making movers!"_

"AW HELL NO!"

"WHAT THE FUCK, YOU RUINED THE MOVER!'

"BOO!"

Korra dragged Asami through the theater exit before the mob could catch them.  **"Alright, I just want to let you know that this theater should have banned you a long time ago Asami."** Asami slumped against Korra and pulled another flask out of her pocket.

 _"Oh they did ban me."_ Asami lifted the flask to her lips and Korra snatched the drink from her before she could take a sip.  _"I had to slip that cashier a five before he gave me the tickets."_

 **"Un-fucking-believable. how are we supposed to get home? You drove us here."** Korra groaned in frustration.

_"Don't wooorry, be happy Korra. We can go to the diner down the street and have dinner there. I sober up and everyone's happy. Seee? I always think- um... what's the word I'm looking for? It's like your foot but different?"_

**"... Ahead?"**

_"BINGO! YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS!"_ Asami released Korra and started to walk toward the diner. Korra sighed and started to follow her.

The girls managed to make it half a block before they were approached by a man. While Asami was completely oblivious, Korra could tell that this guy was going to be one more annoyance to her already ruined night. "Hello ladies. it's a lovely night out, isn't it?"

Korra crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  **"Can I help you? And before you ask, I have a boyfriend, she's too good for you, no we are not looking for a threesome, and yes, we do know how to take a compliment. So just hurry up and say what you are going to say so we can ignore you and go on our way."**

"Woah lady. That wasn't the reason I came over here at all. I am a perfect gentleman."

 **"Really."** Korra deadpanned.  **"Then why did you stop us?"**

"Well you see, it's kind of a long story." The man rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "You see I have fallen a little on rough times, you know, with my sweet mother, Spirits bless her, in the hospital and recently losing my job because I had to take time off to take care of her. So I'm just wondering down the road here, at a complete loss at what to do next and WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT! I see the one and only Asami Sato walking down the street!"

 _"Heeey..."_ Asami winked at him. Korra rolled her eyes and let the man continue.

"Now, since I was a mechanic for Cabbage Corp in my previous job, I realized I had a golden opportunity here. And that's why I decided to run across this street, stop the both of you and," The man pulled something out of his coat. "Rob you at knifepoint!"

Korra really couldn't help it. She laughed in his face.

**"Oh man... I'm sorry but this entire situation is just so fucked up it's funny, you know?"**

_"HA HAH HAAAA- why are we laughing again?"_ Korra ignored the engineer and stared down the man.

**"You do realize I'm the Avatar right. Spiritual link between worlds, Master of the four elements, literally strong enough to grab you by your ankles and rip you in half like a wishbone? You sure you want to go through with this?"**

"YES I'M SERIOUS! GIVE ME YOUR MONEY OR-"

 **"Let me guess, you'll stab me?"** Both girls laughed at the absurdity of the situation. The man tried to speak over the girls laughter but they ignored him.

**"Look at that knife, the blades only like two inches long! Does this douche nozzle seriously think he can beat the Avatar with a two inch knife?"**

_"HaaahWhatAnAsshole."_ She snorted

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"

***THUNK***

**...**

Korra went silent and stared wide-eyed at the frightened man. She slowly looked down and to her left a little to see the handle of the small blade sticking out of her shoulder.

 **"OW!"** Korra shouted. She sounded more offended to have a knife sticking out of her body than in actual pain.

_"WOOOOAH MY GOD KORRA! HE STABBED YOU! YOU GOT A FUCKING KNIFE PENETRATING YOUR SHOULDER!"_

**"Yes Asami, I noticed."**

_"PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME KORRA! PULL IT OUT! NO WAIT, LEAVE IT IN! SHIT DO YOU PULL IT OUT OR LEAVE IT IN!"_

Korra flexed her left hand to test the movement in her arm.  **"Calm down Asami, I'm fine."**

_"What do you mean 'calm down?' YOU HAVE A KNIFE! INSIDE! YOUR! BODY!"_

**"Yes that has been established. Good thing you didn't hit anything important, then I would be really angry."** She looked up at the mugger and glared lazily at him.

**"You do realize you have fucked up, right?"**

"..."

 **"You have a five second head start."** The man finally reacted and turned to run away from the girls. She mentally counted to five before she used her right hand to earthbend a small rock and launched it at the back of the mugger's head. When he smashed face first into the pavement, Korra calmly walked over to the man and sat on his back in case he tried to get up again.  **"Asami, hand me your phone."** She silently handed Korra her phone and The Avatar dialed a number. After a few seconds the someone picked up.

"Republic City Police. How may I help you?"

**"Hey Lin! Nice night we're having here. You aren't busy or anything right?"**

"Not at all, just enjoying the ten minutes of free time I have today. What do you want kid?"

**"Well I'm sitting on top of a mugger that tried to rob me at the moment, think you can come down to the mover theater and pick him up?"**

"Ugh, fine. I'll be there in a bit."

 **"Thanks Lin. Oh yeah before I forget,"** Korra stared at her shoulder.  **"I kind of have a knife sticking out of my shoulder, do I pull it out or leave it in?"**

"You leave it in."

**"You're the best Beifong."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that's it for this chapter, definitely had a lot of fun writing it, I hope you guys enjoyed it. And in case you don't already know, I am accepting prompts for this story, if you have a good idea, leave me a comment or hit me up on tumblr (stillnotgoodatthis). Also I would really appreciate it if you left me a review to let me know what you think of the chapter.


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